DOG RULES

1. If I like it, it’s mine.
2. If its in my mouth, it’s mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I’m chewing something up, all pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it’s mine.
8. If I saw it first, it’s mine.
9. If you are playing with something and put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it’s broken, unless I decide it doesn’t matter, or if it’s a bone or food, it’s mine.

Top Ten Reasons Why Your Dog’s Haircut Might Cost More Than Yours…

#10 Your hairdresser doesn’t wash and clean your rear end.
#9 You don’t go for weeks without washing or brushing your hair.
#8 Your hairdresser doesn’t have to give you a sanitary trim.
#7 Your hairdresser doesn’t have to clean your ears.
#6 Your hairdresser doesn’t have to remove the boogies from your eyes.
#5 You sit still for your hairdresser.
#4 Your haircut doesn’t include a manicure or pedicure.
#3 Your hairdresser only washes and cut the hair on your head.
#2 You don’t bite or scratch your hairdresser.
And the #1 reason why your dog’s haircut might cost more than yours…
#1 The likelihood of you pooping or peeing while your hair is being cut is slim (well… we hope anyway)

Food

Bubbles in the bubble bath are not food.
Caterpillars are not crawling hors d'oeurves.
Dogs do not like jalapeno peppers. I am a dog.
For at least 24 hours prior to any road trip with my humans I will abstain from eating: Almond rocca from the cat box, any rodent (or portion there of), used Barbie beds, or anything that is apt to give me diarrhea.
I will resist from flipping the kitchen trash lid up each time I walk by to check for a snack.
I will not conspire with the cat to get the roast thawing on the windowsill.
I will not eat Duraflame logs. I already have enough fiber in my diet.
I will not get a mouthful of kibble and dribble it across the kitchen, dining room and living room floor just so Mom (who is reading in the living room) can see me eat.
When I am through eating, it is not necessary to turn my bowl on it's side.
When I drink water, I will remember to swallow.